Failure or Fruit
Being a perfectionist personality type, I tend to be very task oriented. I feel really good about myself when I can check off all the boxes on my to-do list. Usually having a to-do list is super motivating for me. On the other hand, I sometimes find myself questioning my worth, so to speak, when I haven’t checked all the boxes and my tasks remain incomplete. God and I have been having some conversations about that recently.
There is one task that has been on my to-do list for months. Every time I see that incomplete task, I feel like a big, fat failure. That task is something I feel God put on my heart and has given me the ability to do but....
But, being a perfectionist, I don’t want to do it poorly. I’m afraid of failing yet in not doing it at all I’m failing, right? This is one of those talking points between me and God. .As we chat, He asks “What HAVE you done today?” ...as if He doesn’t know.
Admittedly, some days “Watched Netflix” was part of my response — enough so that I gave up daytime Netflix watching for Lent. Now, I’m feeling a little smug about the whole Netflix thing, but I still haven’t done anything about that incomplete task.
Reflecting back on my day’s completed tasks however, reveals hours of time spent meeting one-on-one with mentees, or those I’m counseling. Often time is spent caring for my grandchildren, helping or just spending time with my girls, texting or emailing prayers to mentees or others God puts on my heart, Bible study, preparing meals, household chores, grocery shopping, worship, personal prayer. As I rattle these tasks off to Him, He gently lifts my chin, looks into my eyes and smiles. “Beloved child, you bear My fruit. In all that you do, My life is being lived through you. People see and experience Me through you because You and I are one and whether you can see it or not, I am working, touching and changing lives as they partake of the fruit you bear.”
How often do we discount daily living as insignificant, menial? As His children, if we have come to the place of living the exchanged life, we cannot help but bear His fruit. It’s His life that empowers us; He directs our steps and orchestrates our days according to His divine plan. When/if we fail, He still produces the fruit that comes forth even more abundantly from the refuse/manure we deem as failure.
That unfinished task is still on my to-do list, but I’ve come to a place of peace and rest in trusting that when it’s time to do it, it will be done. He has already equipped me, He will empower and inspire me in His perfect time and that completed task, just as my daily living through Him, will bear much fruit.