Confessions and Revelations of a Perfectionistic Doer
Between the circumstances under which I grew up and the lies of Satan, I lived under the deception and distortion that I wasn’t good enough and was unwanted. In an attempt to compensate for those personal perceptions, I became a perfectionistic doer and performed in order to gain others’ acceptance and love. As an insecure, introverted, task-oriented achiever, I took pride in doing things and doing them well. If, however, doubt in my abilities or the final outcome prevailed, pride prevented risking the embarrassment of failure.
At the age of nine, I accepted Christ as my Savior. Out of sincere but driven devotion and a longing to prove my love for Him and my worth to be loved by Him, I read the entire Bible as a third grader. Though desperate to draw close to Him, I experienced God as distant and deemed myself too insignificant for Him to be involved in my day-to-day life.
I previously viewed reading Scripture as a task to check off on my “to-do list.” I read the Bible from an attitude of “I ought to” or “I have to” in order to be that “good Christian woman.” Although I enjoyed reading God’s Word, it often brought confusion. Ephesians 6:10-18 brought more anxiety than peace for me because I feared what would happen if I did not put on every piece of armor and stressed that I didn’t really understand what it meant. Obviously, there is no tangible helmet to put on or shield, breastplate or belt. I read and heard several teachings on this passage over the years and each one explained the symbolism and the importance of mentally putting on each item daily. In recent months, as I sat under yet another teaching on this Scripture, I realized all of these armor items were simply describing Jesus Christ. Jesus is Truth and Righteousness. He is Peace and Salvation and the Living Word of God. The passage in Ephesians instructs us to simply put on Jesus Christ just as Romans 13:12-14 does.
“The night is far spent, the day is at hand, Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”
But again, how do we put on Jesus; He dwells inside of us, doesn’t He? But wait, we are also in Christ…right? So, how does this all work? What does it mean to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ”?
We manifest the LIFE and power of Jesus when we simply choose to come into agreement with who we are in Christ. We simply assent to the truth that at the moment of salvation, we become one with Christ; we are partakers of His divine nature and have everything we need for life and godliness (see 2 Peter 1:3-4). Christ, our very LIFE and Source, defends us and protects us. He has gone before us and has paved the way in VICTORY. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! The enemy has already been defeated! Satan has no power over us except what we choose to give him.
The revelation that putting on the armor of God was simply assenting to our oneness with Christ brought freedom and relief. We don’t have to go through the mental gymnastics of putting on each piece of armor every day. Instead, we can choose to live from a position and attitude of rest knowing that, in Christ, we are never without our armor. We never take it off.
I have learned and am still learning that I no longer have to perform, achieve, and strive to be perfect. I am complete (perfect) in Christ, and even when I occasionally choose to live from my self-sufficiency (according to my flesh) and go back to that mind set of striving and having to do and achieve, I know it’s okay to fail. Christ has already made provision for every choice I make; He causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose of transformation (see Romans 8:28-29).
So whether you identify as a perfectionist doer, a procrastinating avoider, or a humorous escaper, rest and rejoice in the fact that if you are in Christ, you are covered. He is the armor of God. The all-powerful, all-knowing Creator of the universe protects and defends you. Set your mind on these truths, allow Him the privilege of fighting for you as you rest in confident trust that we are one with God, we have everything we need for life and godliness and the victory has already been won.